The beginnings of my relationship with Christ

Having been raised in the church I was raised with good morals and a faith in Christ. I think it was in 1998 that my dad and I went to Billy Graham’s Harvest Crusade for Christ. It was through that crusade that I realized while I “believed” in God and “believed” the Christ died on the cross for the sins of the world, I did not have a true relationship with Christ. It was then that I turned my life over to Him.

The next 7 years I did the best I could and stayed in close communion with Christ. Until 2005 when my faith was shaken; my wonderful, loving, patriotic grandfather died and as far as we know he did not have a relationship with Christ. Doubts swam through my head. How could the most generous man I know go to hell? He was a “good” man, surely that was enough! If God is so just then hell can’t be FOREVER. My faith was shaken.

With emotions high I tried to resolve my doubts. Do I turn away from Christ entirely? Can I continue to trust in Him? Why was it so easy for my family to just trust the “God is just” when such an amazing man had probably been given over to eternal condemnation? I didn’t know how to remedy these doubts and alcohol offered its comfort. As long as I drank there was no need to think about such things and I was able to ignore all these lurking thoughts. (More on that in “sobriety”)

In late 2008 I began an attempt to renew my relationship with Christ. I began attending church but only periodically. In 2009 it was suggested to me that I may be an alcoholic and that I should check out Alcoholics Anonymous. After a month or two of attending meetings the Coast Guard transferred me to Cape May, NJ. It was in Cape May that I finally did get sober and really turned my will and my life over to the care of God.

The first year was a struggle, I believed that God existed, that He cared for me, and that He was intimately involved in my life but I still struggled to believe in the Bible and the concept of Heaven and Hell. I was still holding on to the pain of losing my grandfather and the thought of him in Hell. In October of 2010 I reunited with Sugar Bear (we met in 2002) and he suggested we meet up at the church we first met at in ’02. Well, that is went from “seeking” to “found.”

The pastor was talking about the things we hold onto that separate us from Christ. As I was listening, I just kept thinking, “not liking the idea of Hell is what’s keeping me from Christ.” As we were praying a peace came over me. I do not need to know where each person that I love is going when they die, that is between them and God. God is just and  everyone deserves separation from God but he extends His grace to those who will receive it. I hope that my Papa received Christ’s salvation before he died and I will not know that until I stand in glory; no matter what, God is just and His mysteries are not for me to know.

The last few years have been one wild ride! Christ has been slowly stripping away the things that distract or hinder my relationship with Him. Each day I grow closer and closer to Him as He restores our relationship to the way it is supposed to be.